CONTENT WARNING: This article contains coarse language.
This is a guest column written by “The Dude.” The Dude is an awesome twenty-something human being with a wealth of relationship and dating experience. He is social, fun, charismatic and one of the happiest fuckers you’ll ever meet.
I’d like to explore some common problems with modern dating. We live in a connected, fast paced world full of ego-stroking and instant gratification. With developments in technology, accessibility, and cultural perception, the dating landscape is constantly evolving.
Young people are finding themselves lonelier than ever, despite having so many avenues for meeting potential partners. In addition to this, people are becoming increasingly disconnected and somewhat dysfunctional in terms of dating and real interaction with the opposite sex. That fucking sucks.
I’ve made a list of a few of the problems that are top of mind for me. There is definitely more to cover but this is a good start. Grab a coffee and let’s do this.
DEATH BY CHOICE
Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Match.com, Farmers Only (seriously, that’s a fucking thing), your local bar, that new club downtown. It has never been easier and more convenient to meet potential partners, right? SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? You’re still single, you’re not getting laid enough, and you’re not feeling any deep connections. What gives? Please allow me to explain….
As much as I love online dating and I think it has a ton of benefits, it most certainly has its own shortcomings. If you aren’t having any luck online, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but a lot of it is probably your own fault.
In the words of comedian and awesome-human-being Joe Rogan: “Dick is for free. Ain’t nobody buying dick” meaning that when it comes to dating, women have a lot of the power. Culturally, it is expected that men will approach women first. Men are willing to do this because, if for no other reason, there is always a chance of getting laid.
Women get inundated with messages from dating sites, match with almost everyone they “swipe right” on, and are constantly on the defensive if they are out at a bar – ready to fight off any “creep” that tries to talk to them or buy them a drink. It’s really this simple: because men are so quick to give women attention, they make themselves highly dispensable. If Guy A doesn’t pay attention to Girl A, Guy B will.
In other words, it’s hard to imagine any woman having a problem rejecting someone, when the next willing suitor is right around the fucking corner. It’s too easy to just say “NEXT!” This is death by choice. People have stopped making an effort because there is always someone willing to accommodate their own laziness. The gender roles can absolutely be reversed in this example but generally speaking, I find women to be in this position more than men.
Dudes: How many times have you messaged someone first on a dating platform and then never received a response back? Even on Tinder where if you match with someone there is a presumed mutual interest, I’ll bet you’ve messaged a match and never heard back, right?
Women: How many times have you flat out ignored someone that isn’t your “type” or just doesn’t stand out in a list of messages? How quickly do you dismiss people?
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that if you’re struggling to meet quality people, change your fucking approach.
Men: Don’t make yourself so desperate and readily available. Don’t bend over backwards to accommodate a hot chick. Drop the lame pickup tactics. Stop being a fucking creep and cat-calling or being weird and aggressive. Treat women with respect and as equals – not as objects OR as a princess. Stop accommodating their laziness. If you stop expecting sex or placing someone on a pedestal, you’ll probably find yourself having sex way more often.
Women: You probably need to get over yourself to some degree– if you want respect, treat others with it. If you’re not having any luck, try meeting different types of people. If you constantly find yourself dating a selfish douchebag, try responding to a completely different dude than you would normally go for. Stop being on the defensive, not EVERY guy that tries to talk to you is only doing so because he wants to fuck you.
THE CHASING GAME
Let me ask you something: if you knew that someone only had a little interest in being around you, would you continue to hang out with them on a regular basis? If so, have you stopped to ask yourself why? What are you gaining from it?
At one point or another, everyone has been a chaser; that is the person actively pursuing someone they are interested in. If you haven’t been a chaser at least once, then you’re likely either a sociopath or a fucking robot and neither is particularly appealing. For a lot of you, you’ve probably also been the one being chased at least once. Trying to be aware of these dynamics and understanding how both roles make you and the other person feel is incredibly important.
If you’re the chaser, you need to seriously ask yourself if the person you are chasing is A) actually into you and B) worth your time. The hard truth is that if you’re doing a lot of pursuing or cat and mouse, the answer is probably a resounding no. So then why put yourself through that kind of stress? You’re fucking awesome and if the other person can’t see that, that is THEIR problem, not yours. It’s not YOUR job to convince someone you’re worth it and frankly, if you find yourself in that position, you’ve already lost anyways. Accept that you can’t persuade someone, nor is it healthy for either of you to try. Now pick your pride up off the floor and move on.
If you’re being chased, you should look what your own intentions are and what you are gaining from the relationship. Be honest with yourself, if you’re not actively pursuing the chaser in the same way, then what are you getting out of it? Ego-stroke? Sex? Attention? All of these things are perfectly acceptable as long as you are not being misleading in the process. Communication is imperative here. Be honest with yourself and with the chaser – have you clearly and unambiguously told them where you stand? If you have clearly communicated this and they understand but continue to chase you, then go you! You must be a fucking peach.
Why would you want to be spending time with someone who wasn’t JUMPING at the chance to hang out with you? I feel like if someone isn’t as into the idea as you are, tell them to beat it. You deserve to spend time with people who appreciate you and if they don’t, it should be their problem, not yours. There are plenty of fish in the sea (except on Plenty of Fish, that website is a fucking wasteland) and I promise that there is a quality person out there that is just as excited to spend time with you as you are them.
Very few dating questions get under my skin more than the ol’ “what are you looking for” cliché. I think most people are ultimately looking to settle down and live a happy, fulfilling life with a person they love, right? But just because that might be what we are ultimately seeking, it doesn’t mean that we are seeking that TODAY or more importantly, that we would try to seek that with YOU. Here’s the thing, you can’t predict how you’re going to feel about someone and if either person enters into an interaction with any of these kinds of hopes or expectations, they’re fucking doing it wrong.
If I ever get asked that question, I always respond with “I’m not looking for anything specific, just to meet people and see where that takes me”. A lot of women initially react with “Oh, so you’re a player and you’re just trying to get laid”, basically insinuating that because I haven’t told them I am necessarily LOOKING for a relationship, it must mean that I could only want sex. I always respond politely and clarify but let me say it a little more bluntly here:
“No, I am not just trying to bed you. That said, I am also not an asshole that is going to lie about his intentions to appease your crazy relationship expectations and take advantage of your insecurities”.
Anyone that is dating with the sole intention of finding an immediate life partner is walking a dangerous line and they are probably projecting unfair expectations on to the people they are spending time with. The only feeling of “need” you should have for someone is the one that develops organically and during the course of a long-term relationship, not what develops when you’re single and stems from your own insecurities. If you require someone else to make you feel complete, take a hard look at yourself before dating someone exclusively.
The other question that really grinds my gears is when I get asked “How has your Tinder (or other dating site) experience been so far?” to which I respond “Awesome! I’ve met a lot of really great, quality people” and they come back with “Oh really? So why are you still single then?”. Jesus, I didn’t realize I needed to enter into a committed relationship with every cool person I meet. Dating and meeting quality people doesn’t necessitate a relationship. That’s a pretty naïve way to look at it.
Dating should be a healthy way for you to meet interesting people and evaluate what qualities you desire in a long-term partner. Sometimes you meet great people that turn in to friends, hookups, or even relationship material. All of those outcomes are great and they each have their own value. It’s possible and beneficial to just meet awesome people and have fun enjoying each other’s company, without expecting something further.
Stop and smell the roses. Don’t expect anything. When you date, look for someone that compliments the person you already are instead of someone to “complete” you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Most people are clever enough to know when something feels right. Don’t go out there expecting to that feeling – let it find you instead. It will and when it does, it will probably hit you like a fucking truck.
PRO-TIP FOR DUDES: Women can sense your expectation for sex and it makes them uncomfortable. Sex is not a reward for good behavior. When you drop the expectation, they’ll be far more likely to drop their pants.
YOU HAVE BAGGAGE
I’m just going to rip the band aid off with this one:
Deal with your shit and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Yes, it sucks that that thing happened to you and I’m sure nobody will ever understand how difficult it is but you simply cannot carry that into your future or let it shape how you view dating and relationships. Everyone has been through something rough or if they haven’t yet, they will. Trust me. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you open up to the possibility of being hurt and at some point, you probably will be. It is how you choose to deal with that pain makes all the difference.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is yourself and your own actions so why choose to wallow in your own self-pity when something shitty happens? Why letthat thing or that person win and dictate your future? Make the choice to grieve when necessary, deal with difficult things in the healthiest way possible, and then move on.
Let it go. Yeah, cue the fucking Frozen theme song.
If you have a past relationship issue that is affecting your current dating life and its been a several months/years, just try to fucking let it go. Seriously. Make a conscious effort. Take the positive lessons from your negative experience and let THAT shape your outlook on dating.
Be confident because you rule.
Job Searching While Unemployed: How to Get Hired Faster
Are you looking for work? You’re not alone!
Don’t fret if you’re a part of this staggering statistic. All you may need to find your next gig is tips on how to do job hunting efficiently. Keep reading to find four tips to make job searching an easier task.
1. Fine Tune Your Resume
Your resume creates the first impression any employer will have of you. If you put yours together in haste or haven’t updated it in years, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.
Use a professional font that’s clear and easy to read. Choose a font size between 10 and 12 points. Take a look at resume examples from your industry. See what other people are putting on their resume to gather inspiration for yours.
Fine-tune your resume for each job you’re applying to. Include all your achievements that are relevant to the job opening. You want the recruiter to know within seconds of looking at your resume that you’re worthy of a callback.
If you’re still struggling, click here to see if using a professional resume writer will help.
Networking is key to securing jobs in today’s tech-centric world. As the adage goes, “It’s not what you know; it’s who you know.” Around 70% of job listings aren’t published, so if you’re only looking for jobs online, you’re missing out.
Social media is a great tool for networking. Use LinkedIn to find key contacts that can prove to be indispensable in your job hunt. Start a conversation with them and provide value in return.
3. Use Your Talents
It might be difficult to peg down a full-time job in the current economy. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look for work to fill the gap, however. If you have talents or expertise to provide employers, show them what you can do.
Apply for part-time or temporary jobs. Not only will they help pay the bills, but they’ll provide more job experience for your resume.
Consider freelance work. There are thousands of freelance jobs you can do from the comfort of your home if you have experience or talent. Become a copy editor, branding consultant, or social media manager to help you make ends meet.
Volunteering is another way to put yourself out there. While it won’t pay the bills, it can get you out of the house and help you build your network.
4. Don’t Rely on the Internet
As you already know, many job postings don’t get posted online before they’re filled. Other times jobs may already be in the final interview stage by the time you submit your application.
If you hope to secure a position with a specific company, reach out to them directly. Doing so may put you in touch with the hiring manager.
Applying to jobs online is so easy that many people apply to handfuls a day and never get a callback. Many job seekers applicants don’t take time to reach out to the company or their hiring manager since they feel applying online is enough. Don’t be like the other applicants; put yourself out there!
Job Searching Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
Job searching will be easier with our tips at your disposal. Remember to have patience, and don’t be afraid to reach out to potential employers.
Ask a Local Licensed Insolvency Trustee About Debt Help
Mounting debt can be a cause for stress and sleepless nights. Credit card debts, high-interest loans, and lines of credit build up over time, and if you over-rely on loans to get by, you can wind up in deep trouble. Just as it takes time to get into debt, it takes time to get out. But at a certain point, it can feel like an impossible task.
If you’re unable to increase your income or cut expenses or can’t make more than minimum payments, it’s time to find another solution. The good news is that even if you feel like the situation is hopeless, there’s always a way to find debt help. It’s time to talk to a licensed insolvency trustee.
Who Are Licensed Insolvency Trustees?
Licensed insolvency trustees are independent professionals. Although they’re regulated closely by the government, they do not work for the government or for credit companies. While they do evaluate your finances and help you by explaining your options, they don’t really work for you either, the way a lawyer might.
They’re tasked with finding a fair solution that will get you out of debt and allow your creditors to recover something. Licensed insolvency trustees most often work for a firm, such as Debt Help BC, a company that provides debt help on Vancouver Island including bankruptcy and consumer proposals.
Bankruptcy vs Consumer Proposals
Licensed insolvency trustees in BC are the only professionals who can help you file for bankruptcy or get a consumer proposal. These are two debt help solutions that can reduce your total debt, stop interest from growing, stop collection calls and actions, and put a fixed timeline on settling your debts.
The two tools accomplish the same result differently. In a bankruptcy, your debt is settled once:
- Non-exempt assets have been sold and the proceeds disbursed to your creditors (such assets include vacation properties, second vehicles, home equity beyond a certain limit, etc.);
- A portion of any surplus income over a government-mandated amount earned until your bankruptcy is discharged and disbursed to creditors.
A consumer proposal differs in several ways:
- You make fixed monthly payments for up to five years without interest;
- None of your assets are required to settle your debts.
Should You Pay Debt with Savings?
The answer depends on your personal finances. To a certain extent, if you can spare some savings to pay off high-interest credit card loans, that will be more affordable. The interest rates mean the earlier you can pay off the loan the more you save.
However, you could hurt your financial future if you drain your RRSP or liquidate assets to pay off unsecured debts. Debt help can settle your debts without draining your hard-earned savings. In a consumer proposal, your assets are unaffected, while even in a bankruptcy, RRSP contributions made more than 12 months before you filed are likewise protected.
There are also tax implications to withdrawing RRSP funds too early, and it’s inadvisable to touch them. Debt help is an effective and smart way to get out of insurmountable debt. Talk to a licensed insolvency trustee in BC about your finances today.
My Top 15 Post-Corona Wishes
1. A guaranteed universal income for “all” people living in Canada set at a living wage.
2. New incentives for employees to work from home whenever possible, and the option for employees to work flexible and reduced hours to improve quality of life and provide more time for leisure and recreation.
3. For home delivery of groceries, medicines, and other basic necessities to be a standard business practice.
4. For essential workers including grocery store clerks and cleaning staff to receive a decent honorable salary for working the front line.
5. For all levels of government in Canada to come together to put strict environmental protections and regulations in place.
6. For the countries of the world to do everything possible to end animal cruelty.
7. For educated, competent, and intelligent women like Dr. Theresa Tam and Dr. Bonnie Henry to be promoted to senior leadership roles in the private, public, and non-profit sector, including recruiting women everywhere to run for elected office at all levels of government including international organizations.
8. For governments to invest heavily in the prevention, treatment, and distribution of public health “critical and essential” goods and services so that we are prepared for the next outbreak.
9. For seniors residential care facilities to have an immediate “contingency” plan in the event of another virus outbreak.
10. For self-testing kits to be made available for everyone that provide immediate results.
11. For doctors with credentials from foreign countries with comparable education to Canadian medical schools to be allowed to practice medicine in Canada.
12. For Canadian federalism to continue to function as well as it has during the Corona virus outbreak in terms of political and non-partisan cooperation and elected officials looking out for the greater good.
13. For a special federal department be set up to respond to the immediate needs of at-risk marginalized populations during a crisis such as Indigenous communities, LGBTQ people, homeless people, and persons with disabilities, etc.
14. For the medical services plan to cover mental health counselling via phone and video sessions from social workers, counsellors, and psychologists.
15. For the people of the world to see each other as one humanity, where we all need to work together to solve global problems.
Staying at Home: Mental Health Tips
COVID-19 has dominated global headlines for the past few days, with the virus having an unprecedented effect on countries around the world. Citizens in many counties now have to stay at home to minimise the spread. With so much of the world experiencing anxiety and no idea as to how long this situation will last for, it is never been so important to prioritise our mental health.
For those already on lockdown, this tip may have come a little too late, but if you can prepare, begin with a list. It is about being sensible and making sure you have everything you require including some distractions. Whether it is a new book, game or anything else, keeping your mind busy can help. Also, try to prepare yourself mentally and think about the challenges that you may come across during isolation.
Make time to have fun! If you are with your family, play games, do crafts and reconnect with each other. If you are alone, play games on your console with friends, on your mobile online. Whether it is adult online gaming at Mr Green casino, Scrabble or digging out the old Gameboys for some classic Pokémon fun!
At times like this, it is completely natural to want to access the news constantly but checking the live stream and keeping up with every update may not be the healthiest option. Furthermore, the information on social media is not always correct and it seems counter-intuitive to worry over things that may not be true.
Maintain a Schedule
One of the biggest challenges in staying at home is trying maintaining a schedule, but this can have a significant effect on our mental health. Maintaining your routine will help you to keep ion track, which is especially important if you will be working from home.
Write poetry, paint pictures or make music! Keeping a written journal can be a great way of verbalising your emotions or maybe you could start that novel you have been thinking about. If you are more artistic than lyrical, express your creativity and make art or paint a picture.
By this point, we are all aware of the importance of social distancing, but maintaining social interaction is still essential. Keep up with your loved ones and call them for a chat to catch up. For those who live alone, keeping up social interaction is likely to be more difficult. Luckily, we live in a time where virtual technology has made this possible. However, we also need to consider our social responsibility for others, especially our loved ones who are high risk and potentially completely isolated. Try setting them up with virtual technology such as Skype and ensure they know how to use it.
Meditation and Mindfulness
Take time to breathe and live in the moment. Practising mindfulness can have a significantly positive effect on our mental health and wellbeing by helping to reduce feelings of anxiety. Check out guided meditations on YouTube or download an app like Kalm or Headspace. You could also have a look at grounding techniques. For example, take a moment to take in your surroundings and find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.
Remember, this will pass. In the meantime, wash your hands, practice self-care, and stay safe.
Surrey should expect folks from large cities visiting quite soon
Covid-19 has a sweeping effect on the world. It has had a devastating effect on economies around the world and also led to canceling and postponement of many prominent events. Euro 2020, a quadrennial event that gathers a lot of football fans around the world has been postponed until 2021. Tennis tournaments – halted till June, Bitcoin price – fallen. This is only a partial list of problems that coronavirus brought to the countries.
A lot of countries declared a state of emergency to contain the spread of the virus. If we compare big countries to each other, Canada has been less affected by the virus. There have been 1470 infected so far. It is no surprise that Canada might see an inflow of folks from various countries. Surrey, in particular, should expect a lot of people from large cities and this article will examine the outcome of it.
What has been the situation in Surrey?
Even though Canada is relatively safe right now, the situation in Surrey has been tense so far. Residents have complained that fellow citizens do not follow the rules of social distancing – a lot of people are walking around the street, feeling they are immune to the virus. Of course, this has sparked discontent among residents who want to protect themselves from the virus as much as possible.
The gambling industry has been particularly affected by the virus. Several casinos in Canada as well as in the rest of the world were closed due to Covid-19. The main reason for this has been the limitation of public gathering places. You know that casinos are always crowded and there are a lot of people constantly playing various games. Going to ‘real’ casinos has been halted temporarily and that is why citizens have turned to switch to brand new Canadian online casinos 2020 while they are in quarantine. Not only it concerns Surrey’s citizens, but foreigners from large cities who will visit the place very soon will certainly try online casino games because there is simply nothing else to do. It is also important to point out that Canada is famous in the world for the gambling industry and online casinos are slowly gaining football in the country.
What will the massive arrival of people change in Surrey?
Actually, a lot of people means that the virus will spread faster. Covid-19 is a type of infection that has been unknown to the doctors throughout the whole time. It is contagious and spreads quickly, so Surrey will become more impacted by a coronavirus. What people can do is to keep themselves away from public gathering places as much as possible and temporarily postpone any activities there were planning to do in the recent period.
Not only it concerns the local inhabitants, but tourists should also be aware of that situation. And if the situation gets out of control, Canada will suffer from the consequences and it should take an example from its European counterparts.
How long will the situation last in Canada?
It would be careless to predict precisely how long the virus will roam around the world and Canada. As Donald Trump declared, it is still a long way to overcome the illness and worse waits ahead. Canada has currently 20 deaths and over 1,000 infected. That is a very high number. Keep in mind that one of the prestigious leagues in Canada has been postponed over the fears of the virus. It has also declared that the country will not send its athletes to Tokyo 2020. More likely, the situation will be active for three months at a minimum.
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